I've been feeling good for no reason at all for quite a while now. Which feels really strange. And strange as it may sound, it really doesn't feel good. There's this vague awareness at the back of my mind that tells me something will soon break and I will fall. But then again, that could just be paranoia.

Been trying to straighten out my life a bit... my relationship with my mom, for one, and the little things about myself. I have a deadly fear of public speaking, so I made a vow that I'll do every single darn group presentation there is until the day that I'm no longer afraid of it. Now, when I made this vow, it really DID NOT FEEL GOOD. But like Martha Beck (the author of the self-help book I swear by) said, trying to overcome a fear without actually placing yourself in it is like learning to swim without touching the water. It just isn't done.

There's another mess I feel really responsible for... that's the guy I used to like. He can't even bear to look me in the eye now, though he does look very happy to see me. And when we take the same bus together, he practically runs off once we alight, which I found quite amusing... am I really that scary? ^_^ I felt like grabbing him and telling him I really don't eat people... (I prefer chicken). But seriously, all along when I liked him I was very much aware why.

He reminds me very strongly of my father. My father died when I was thirteen.

I have been extremely irresponsible and unfair towards him.

Never fall blindly in "love"... cos' when you regain your eyesight, what you see will definitely not be pretty.