I haven't been blogging for ages, and my personal diary is similarly empty. Not that my time has been taken up by Sandman, or schoolwork, or eating dumplings, or my painting, which I'm almost halfway through. I just haven't been thinking very much.
Not much worth to think about, really. Really.
You know some nights when you turn off the bedroom light and prepare to go to sleep you don't just flop in and shut your eyes immediately? And at first everything is dark. Like totally pitch dark, though you can see your fingers in front of you if you wave them about a little, and all the glow-in-the-dark stuff in my room sure helps. You have to feel your way to the bed, bumping into some odds and ends on the way, and then you sit down, and if you sit long enough things start to emerge. Like shadows. Those are the first. And then patches of light, cos' there can't be shadows without light, or light without shadows. And then you wonder why you never saw them when you were first blinded by the night, as the outlines of furniture, the rounded sides and curves, start to emerge, but you only see the edges and they don't matter... and if you sit there long enough without moving, hardly breathing or even blinking you realise how nice it is really. How comforting solitude is. To be wrapped up in your own little black cocoon of "darkness/ that you can walk so long in/ It becomes light".
I'm not there now, but the mood is here. Rather contemplative, even if I don't know -- or rather don't like-- the subject I'm contemplating. (Wow. Makes me sound like I'm in really deep thought doesn't it?) I'm skipping P.E today, seems like everyone is, and I think, I'll make up for it later by running two rounds around both HCJC and TCHS. I really will. However, knowing me, this will probably happen somewhere in the era where pigs learn to sing the ABC.
I should have listened when people tried to tell me some things, yet if I had the chance to go back I'd probably go right there and make exactly the same mistakes all over again and not regret it. I only think I should have listened cos' if I did I wouldn't find myself so pathetically laughable now. But the way I reacted was me, anyhow.
I don't see why patterns should keep repeating themselves or why I can never seem to learn.
I don't know.
Not much worth to think about, really. Really.
You know some nights when you turn off the bedroom light and prepare to go to sleep you don't just flop in and shut your eyes immediately? And at first everything is dark. Like totally pitch dark, though you can see your fingers in front of you if you wave them about a little, and all the glow-in-the-dark stuff in my room sure helps. You have to feel your way to the bed, bumping into some odds and ends on the way, and then you sit down, and if you sit long enough things start to emerge. Like shadows. Those are the first. And then patches of light, cos' there can't be shadows without light, or light without shadows. And then you wonder why you never saw them when you were first blinded by the night, as the outlines of furniture, the rounded sides and curves, start to emerge, but you only see the edges and they don't matter... and if you sit there long enough without moving, hardly breathing or even blinking you realise how nice it is really. How comforting solitude is. To be wrapped up in your own little black cocoon of "darkness/ that you can walk so long in/ It becomes light".
I'm not there now, but the mood is here. Rather contemplative, even if I don't know -- or rather don't like-- the subject I'm contemplating. (Wow. Makes me sound like I'm in really deep thought doesn't it?) I'm skipping P.E today, seems like everyone is, and I think, I'll make up for it later by running two rounds around both HCJC and TCHS. I really will. However, knowing me, this will probably happen somewhere in the era where pigs learn to sing the ABC.
I should have listened when people tried to tell me some things, yet if I had the chance to go back I'd probably go right there and make exactly the same mistakes all over again and not regret it. I only think I should have listened cos' if I did I wouldn't find myself so pathetically laughable now. But the way I reacted was me, anyhow.
I don't see why patterns should keep repeating themselves or why I can never seem to learn.
I don't know.
posted by Ling at
9:14 AM
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