Attended a scholarship talk today, despite my mother and sister telling me that if a 3-subject student manages to get a scholarship, well let's bring out the champagne, cos' that's gonna be some sort of national record. And I don't have enough money to study art in the UK, which is what I really want to do - why UK? For the most ridiculous and unexplainable of reasons... because it just feels "right" - so I should get a basic degree in NUS first, like in what? The only thing remotely related to art in NUS is Architecture, which, while it sounds far better than say Toenail Studies, which doesn't exist but might as well for all the interest those other courses stir in me, still falls short of what I really want to do.

Alright. I know I sound rather grouchy now, but truth is I did enjoy the talk... it's just that reality hits hard, that's all. I saw quite a few people I used to know, whether in Secondary school or my first 3 months in RJC. I genuinely enjoyed meeting some of them again - Tee Kian, for example, and I think Lawrence has a girlfriend ^_^ - but other than that the prospect of seeing people I used to know unnerved me to say the least, and in a very irrational way. I was glad when tea-break was over.

... I am sure of what I want to do, what I want to be, what will make me happiest. I know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing, and even if I can't match up to any other people, I am sure love for the subject will spur me on to improve, and I know people who are behind me all the way. All this, come hell or high water or parental un-consent. I know I sound really naive and idealistic, but I tend to see these as strengths rather than personal failings. Fuck practicalism; I've lived on it for far long enough, and it hasn't got me anywhere I want to be.

There must be a way.